TW: Sexual Assault, Minors
In the summer of 2001 I attended a party where it was just myself and my 14 year old friend, with two men who looked to be in there late 20's early 30's. We were given alcohol and hash, then one of the men began kissing me. He was fine at first, asking me if I wanted to go forward etc. I said yes. We began having sex, after a short period I did not want to have sex anymore, but I froze. I was 14, a child, never had sex or been kissed. He took no heed and carried on. roughly moving my body around in various positions until he suddenly stopped. I started to get up but he roughly grabbed my head and forced his penis into my mouth. I put my arms up, but too late as he ejaculated into my mouth and face and then abruptly got up and left.
I felt disgusting at having allowed this to happen to my body. I found my friend and tried to leave, but found the door locked. The men behind it claimed they had a gun, I know they were just tormenting us and laughing at our naiveté, but at the time we were at a loss as of what to do. We were 14, we were children. We made our way outside eventually as the men were getting into a waiting cab. One of them charged me and screamed aggressively, again, probably just to enjoy the look of terror on our faces. The left us on the side of the road, the whole thing was humiliating and dehumanizing. We walked to a gas station and my friend called her father, who picked us up some time later. The next morning I bussed home. There, I told my Mother what had happened. Unfortunately she felt turning to the Police would be the right course of action.
As idiotic as my actions may (and do) seem to me, looking back through the lens of a grown woman I feel nothing but empathy for that girl. Out looking for some validation and connection, trying to ape the prototype celebrity that was popular at the time. We thought partying would be like in the movies, but we were preyed upon by grown men who should have known better. Grown men who took pleasure from our bodies and our terror at their leisure.
At the police station I was asked to give my report. I told the female officer what happened and was repeatedly asked what I was wearing, why I was there, and why I agreed to consume alcohol. I knew then I would be reliving my humiliation for a very long time. At one point the officer rolled her eyes to her male colleague and even scoffed. I still remember the shame, and the regret of agreeing to come to the station.
After writing my statement out, I was able to sit with my friend. We looked over and saw my Mother reading the very statement I had just handed the female officer; the statement that contained every shocking and humiliating thing I had experienced that night, the statement that graphically described a grown man ejaculating into my mouth against my will, the statement that I would never have given had I known my own Mother would be reading every salacious detail minutes after my pen left the paper. I found my voice then, This was too much. I asked one of the male officers if that was MY statement my Mother was reading, he went over and quickly retrieved it from my (probably) traumatized Mother. "Um yea, she should not have given that to your Mom" he admitted somewhat apologetically. I remember rage then.
There were the motions that were went through. A "rape kit" was administered and I had to endure being penetrated again, Of course I was strongly discouraged from going forward with charges (they would not have stuck anyways) and I eventually agreed, after all they were very clear about repeatedly telling me the age of consent in BC was 14 (at the time). There was nothing they could do, even with a name and him being known to police. I could have accepted that easier had the staff been at all caring, empathetic, understanding, or shown anything other than the absolute lack of compassion and complete apathy I experienced.
I was an idiot child... but when grown adults force their penises into idiot childrens mouths, that should be viewed as a crime.
I think often about the age of consent in BC. I wonder if they would have cared more had I been 12? 11? Or now, if a 14 year old girl came in for the same reason today in 2021, would she be treated like a human being who was taken advantage of, traumatized? After all, the age of consent is 16, and she's just 14, a child! But I was a child too. A child is a child regardless of an arbitrary assigned age for sex. My brain was a childs brain, and thus was forced to process this trauma with that same undeveloped, inadequate brain. Enter my "support."
I was set up with a consellor. He was a man. The sessions were at the Police Department once a week. I froze and could not speak to him, I was humiliated from my experience, and again from the members of the department for having the audacity to report it. He lost patience at the third session, said it wasn't worth "wasting his (maybe he said 'our') time" if I was just going to "check out." Looking back again, I realize dissociating is indeed a thing, and of course I had "checked out" Shockingly I did not want to share the details of my assault with another grown man. It was too intimate, too raw, too much to bear. It was also a completely normal and understandable reaction to the situation. I wish someone had told him.
My Mother gave him a succulent and we went our separate ways. I wanted to share this small story, as I know it's one of too many and I'd like to elaborate but I've rambled enough. Saanich Police Department: Do better with sex assault reports. Do better by children, and do better by the girls and women who choose to trust you with their imperfect stories.