TW: Sexual Assault, Minors
I was 15 and dating a boy who was two grades older. One night, I went to a party and got really drunk. I told my parents I was sleeping at my friends house but instead I went to the boys house. He gave me more to drink and a joint was passed around. When it was time to go to bed, we were making out. He asked to get a condom and I was so naive I thought you could get pregnant without having sex so I told him, and I remember clearly, ‘sure if you want but I’m not having sex with you. I’m a virgin and I don’t want to have sex’.
We had only been dating for a month and was the first guy I dated. I remember him pushing inside anyways. I remember trying to push him off and my fingers down there trying to keep him out. I remember him saying, “watch them nails girl”. The palm of my hand was pushing away from me so my nails must have been near the base of his penis pushing away. Then I blacked out.
The next morning I remember being frozen in bed for hours before getting up. I pretended like nothing happened. I didn’t tell anyone for weeks. After that he wouldn’t return my calls. I started telling my closest friends but many of them said I was lying. It didn’t make sense to anyone why I didn’t say anything right away. I was so confused. I trusted him and liked him, I tried to convince myself that what happened was ok. I was fifteen years old... I simply just didn’t know what to do or what to think of it.
Over the years, I’ve met two other girls who had very similar experiences with the same guy. I also met an old friend of his (a guy) who didn’t associate with him anymore. This guy said he (the rapist), used to brag to his friends about taking girls virginities when they were too drunk to say no. I have no knowledge of where he is now. I had to serve him once at a restaurant I was waitressing at when I was about 26. I froze and then continued to still serve the table because I hated the idea of him influencing me to do something different than what I would have done if it wasn’t him. But looking back it was just the same freeze response as I had when I was 15. I still carry this to this day 23 years later. The only thing worse than the rape itself was having some closest friends call me a liar.