TW: Sexual Assault, Coercion
He was 21 and I was 19. I had been struggling with my mental health and had only recently had sex for the first time. As a child I was touched by another classmate during recess and lunch breaks. This made me vulnerable.
He was 21 and we went to brunch he picked me up from my place we each paid for our own meal. Later that week I invited him over to meet my new kitten. I live with my parents. When he got to my place he confessed he was allergic to cats. I we went to my room to to listen to music and chat. We were laying on my bed chatting and then I leaned into him to cuddle we I think kissed. He started touching me and I was ok with it, I think. He started doing stuff to me with his fingers, stuff I didn’t want it was hurting me I asked to stop “you can handle this” he said. I was wriggling away from his persistent force, he continued despite my pleading. After I confined him to stop, and we continued cuddling. I was wearing a short dress and at his request had removed my panties.
He was 21, I was the little spoon at some point pulled his penis out. I felt it as he rubbed himself against me. I told him I didn’t want to have sex, I didn’t want him to penetrate me. He brushed this off, some sad acknowledgment as he fumbled with himself placing his penis between my butt cheeks. I squirmed asking what was going on. Again claiming innocence he said he was just gonna “rest it there” as I felt him moving himself towards my vagina. I am confused and request him to stop. He tells me to “kiss it” shoving my head down.
I was in a bad place I went back. I beg him to hangout. I wanted attention. Each time he invited me to his house at late hours. I went a handful of times, he would coherence me each time. Push my head down, slide himself places without my consent, or despite my lack of it. The worst part of I’m not even mad at him. I think it’s because I don’t blame him because I don’t feel like I deserve to be treated well. I went back, and I fear I still would.
For these and many other reasons cannot report it.
Today I saw him again, he past me on the street and so I needed to post this here. I don’t want him to hurt anyone else. I don’t know what else to do.