TW: Sexual Assault
I met him through my cousins in 2018. My cousins were people that I trusted with my life, so of course I’d value their judgment when they tell me he’s a good guy. The first night I met him was at a club. After a few hours of drinking he pushed me against the wall and aggressively to makeout with me. I think because there was drinking involved, I didn’t think much of it. Still after that, I proceeded to see him again on another night. The first time we had sex was consensual which made me feel all the more stupid when the second time was not. He held my head down, pressured and guilted me to have unprotected sex, held me on top of him and didn’t stop when I asked him too. I felt embarrassed to keep reiterating that he was hurting me and to stop so I eventually gave in. I just remember looking at the ceiling and praying to god for it to end. It was and will forever be the worst moment of my life. The worst part about it is that my cousins didn’t care when I told them a few months afterwards. Not only did I get my dignity, self esteem and control taken away from me, I also was betrayed by my own family members. I found out later that a previous girl he dated had expressed a similar situation having happened to her, making me know that what happened to me was all the more real. I feared that I asked for this or deserved it somehow. I knew I looked stupid because I went there late at night, I consented to kissing, I had drinks before, my outfit was revealing, I had slept with him before etc etc. but none of that matters because I said no with my words, my body, my body language, with everything in my being and he still just didn’t care. I hope that the other survivors out there know how resilient we are and that it is not our fault. People like this have no place in our lives. We are strong and loved.