TW: Sexual Assault

We were at a party. I had a handful of drinks. Next thing I know, I can’t make words. I can handle my alcohol better than this, I think to myself. I can’t formulate a words, let alone a sentence. I call my mom and she translates through my gibberish that I need to be picked up. She arrives. He asks for my address. I can’t remember my address. I can’t remember an address I’ve lived at for my entire 27 years. I stumbled to my Mom’s car. He then proceeded to follow my Mom’s car to my house. Let that sink in. I can’t even remember my address.... he’s driving.

I recall very little of the next several hours. I don’t remember letting him in. I have a glimpse of recollection of him on top of me, but then my eyes and head become heavy and it all goes black again. I remember a brief interaction as he's leaving saying he’s met a girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with and I shouldn’t tell anyone this happened. Reality was... I couldn’t remember enough to tell anyone. I woke up the next morning and only knew for sure we had sex as I found the used condom in my garbage. I drove myself to the pharmacy to get plan B, just in case.

I never told a soul, until years later I told my Mom. She was sad as it happened right under her roof and she felt as if she couldn’t protect me.

I also gathered the guts to message the guy years later and he became enraged and kept saying “you know you wanted it” Something he said resonated in my head for years after “just face it. It was a one night stand. You wanted it, suck it up”

Now, years later, I wish I could cram those words down his pathetic throat. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. You took advantage of me and I hope your son never grows up to be anything like you.