TW: Sexual Assault
Fire flickers on ceiling hue
Summer drinks and parties too
Memories flaring to life before my eyes
Screaming echoes that I despise
Substances lower one's ability to say no
Person assaulting thinks it's an instant go
Mirrors on sliding door
How did I leave the ground floor
One minute downstairs feeling tipsy
the next in bed with you, you've gotten lippy.
Nameless, you held on tight
Wouldn't listen when I tried putting up a fight
The sheets were wrinkled white
Darkened room, only hue from streetlight
Sickness in sour tummy
Mind removed, did I drink gin and a rummy?
I struggle to get out
Cannot move, "don't worry, don't pout"
I feel strange and dizzy, my body shakes from the cold in its bones
Feeling heavy like stone
"I'll keep you warm" you pull me back down
I cannot fight, cannot move, only frown
Blackness greets me, oh Starry night
Then panic lights a fire in my mind, total fright
Snapping me awake, up and out of that sinful bed
Finally rousing from Dissociation in my head
I stare daggers at the man with dark eyes
Did I miss his disguise?
How did I not pick up on his lies
Who cares? I will rise.
I will walk the red carpet of shame
While holding the silver blame
Cutting deep into skin
I'll hold it tightly, now no one wins
Didn't report, didn't speak up
It didn't leave, like a lonely pup
Followed me around
I tried blocking out the sound
Music only goes so loud
I am not proud
Coping mechanisms of darkened degree
This past led me to captivity
15+ years later, I still fight to heal
Still experience a ' body steal'
Panic attacks and PTSD
But they will not keep me locked up in misery.
-- Happened at a house party in broadmead when I was 17/18. Don't remember names or anything that matters. Only remember the room I was in.