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TW: Sexual Assault

Fire flickers on ceiling hue

Summer drinks and parties too

Memories flaring to life before my eyes

Screaming echoes that I despise


Substances lower one's ability to say no

Person assaulting thinks it's an instant go

Mirrors on sliding door

How did I leave the ground floor


One minute downstairs feeling tipsy

the next in bed with you, you've gotten lippy.

Nameless, you held on tight

Wouldn't listen when I tried putting up a fight

The sheets were wrinkled white

Darkened room, only hue from streetlight


Sickness in sour tummy

Mind removed, did I drink gin and a rummy?

I struggle to get out

Cannot move, "don't worry, don't pout"


I feel strange and dizzy, my body shakes from the cold in its bones

Feeling heavy like stone

"I'll keep you warm" you pull me back down

I cannot fight, cannot move, only frown


Blackness greets me, oh Starry night

Then panic lights a fire in my mind, total fright

Snapping me awake, up and out of that sinful bed

Finally rousing from Dissociation in my head


I stare daggers at the man with dark eyes

Did I miss his disguise?

How did I not pick up on his lies

Who cares? I will rise.


I will walk the red carpet of shame

While holding the silver blame

Cutting deep into skin

I'll hold it tightly, now no one wins


Didn't report, didn't speak up

It didn't leave, like a lonely pup

Followed me around

I tried blocking out the sound


Music only goes so loud

I am not proud

Coping mechanisms of darkened degree

This past led me to captivity


15+ years later, I still fight to heal

Still experience a ' body steal'

Panic attacks and PTSD

But they will not keep me locked up in misery.


-- Happened at a house party in broadmead when I was 17/18. Don't remember names or anything that matters. Only remember the room I was in.

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